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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26357170">Between Shadows</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/InkDippedFingertips/pseuds/InkDippedFingertips'>InkDippedFingertips</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>What Once Was [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Merlin (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Boys In Love, Drabble, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Kissing, M/M, My First Work in This Fandom, Protective Arthur, Protective Merlin, Short &amp; Sweet</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 05:33:42</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,024</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26357170</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/InkDippedFingertips/pseuds/InkDippedFingertips</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes the weight of destiny, was just a little too heavy.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>What Once Was [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1915285</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>149</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Between Shadows</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Merlin watched as the shadows cast by the flames danced merrily around Arthur’s room, leaving everything feeling hushed and steeped in secrecy. It was apt, Merlin thought, given the very nature of his and Arthur’s life here in the castle. So many words that could not be said, that had to be stolen back from the tip of his tongue even as his lips formed soundless shapes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Despite himself, a single flame flickered to life in his palm, small and hidden by his body, never free to grow wild and reckless like those in front of him. Hushed from fear of discovery, fear of death…Merlin was so tired of being afraid. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>From the moment he’d stepped into Camelot, walked the grounds of the castle that would be his home, watched a woman burn up, screaming, he’d had to live and love as someone else. Arthur, despite the heart that simmered beneath his cool exterior, couldn’t understand, wouldn’t, not while Uthur whispered poison in his ear. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Merlin?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He couldn’t help but tense at the sound of Arthur’s voice, the flame warming his palm extinguished as he clenched his fingers into a fist. His heart hammered as Arthur came up behind him, waiting for some kind of response. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He hadn’t seen anything. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Merlin?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>This time his tone was coloured with concern, uncertainty. For all that he’d grown from the prat Merlin had once known, as a leader, as a man, he could do a remarkable impression of a scared child. Perks of having a king and tyrant for a father he supposed…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry Arthur, how did it go?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Turning to face him Merlin was struck, as he often was, by the intensity of Arthur’s gaze. He liked to joke that they were light and day, Merlin all dark shades and blue eyes like the depths of the seas, while Arthur was all bright and sparkling blue. They were expressive and right now they revealed a weary kind of concern that should be comforting but only grated on Merlin’s already frayed nerves. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He could see the indecision as he decided whether or not to push for more, to get to the bottom of Merlin’s reserved mood. In the end leaving it be, won…after all they had their own secrets they were fighting to keep. A strong, calloused hand gripped his own, squeezing softly, “it went well…the others are starting to take my suggestions seriously. I’ve gained their trust-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Arthur went on, an excited gleam in his eyes that made Merlin’s stomach roll. There weren’t any words to explain to him that no matter how much the council grew to like him, to accept him as a king, they would never accept Merlin as anything other than a servant at best, a whore a worst. It was one of the few things he loved about Arthur, the determination that bordered on stubbornness, the unrelenting energy to fight an unwinnable battle. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Without much thought and with a familiar ache widening in his chest, Merlin stepped right into Arthur’s arms, face hidden in the crook of his neck, while he himself paused mid-word. Hesitantly, his arms settled around Merlin, holding him close. Letting out a slow breath, Merlin stopped thinking, stopped worrying, and started feeling. Standing there, in Arthur’s arms with only the sounds of the crackling fire and familiar shifting of the stones around them…it felt right. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Merlin liked to think it had nothing to do with destiny or the dragon’s shrewd declarations, liked to pretend that there was absolutely nothing extraordinary about the two of them. Arthur wasn’t a prince standing in his bedchambers within a castle and land he would one day rule as king, wasn’t holding a servant boy whom he shouldn’t have looked twice at. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He also liked to pretend that he wasn’t Emrys, wasn’t some powerful sorcerer destined to save magic and restore it to Camelot. That he didn’t hold in his chest the weight of a secret that would decide not only his life, but those of all the druids scattered across Avalon. He wanted to just be a boy who’d found love and not a forbidden one. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was a part of Merlin that suspected they were doomed to play out a similar story to that of his mother and father. To meet and love, to lose and die. He really hoped not. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Merlin? You know I love you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A simple statement. Arthur was always direct, course words spoken with easy authority, as though he were daring anyone to disagree. Ironic considering their whole relationship was to be kept a secret. Forever in Merlin’s case, for now in Arthur’s. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The problem was that it worked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Merlin let a smile spread over his lips, perhaps a little wistful but certainly genuine. He didn’t protest when Arthur tilted his head up toward him with a coaxing hand under his chin. He leaned forward when Arthur moved in to press a hard kiss to his lips. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When they were alone like this, in the privacy of his rooms, Arthur’s kisses were fierce, like he was making up for all the moments lost between them during the day. As though, through that simple touch, he could convey all that had gone unsaid their whole lives. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Merlin, of course, wasn’t much better. His fingers slid through Arthur’s hair, gripped the strands none too gently as he pulled him closer. There was so much he wished he could tell him, about magic and their lives, and the great destiny awaiting them both…so much he couldn’t dare speak of so he used Arthur’s lips to silence himself, used his body to comfort himself, used his mind to reassure himself…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Secrets could be very lonely. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But when he was with Arthur, the load was shared, in part. He might not know why Merlin would sometimes grow morose, or why he jumped at the sound of his voice more often than not, or where he went when he disappeared for long stretches of time, the point was that he never asked. Arthur simply trusted him and in the end…that was all Merlin had really wanted. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Come yell into the void that is my inbox on tumblr (same username).</p></blockquote></div></div>
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